Muzzily Muddled

The life and times of a 30-something recent law school graduate trying to understand the past, figure out the future and scrape through the present in one piece.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Tunnel vision

I have real tunnel vision issues.  Or, maybe that's not the best term for it.  What I mean is, that I get so focused on one part of my life that other things fall by the wayside.  I am a great multi-tasker when it comes to little things, but when it comes to the big, overarching themes of my life, I'm lucky to handle more than one at a time.

Example:  First year of law school, I was primarily focused on school.  Not 100%, but it was the biggest thing for me.  Yes, I was also thinking a lot about trying to get pregnant, but that didn't take over.  I was mostly tuned into school, into getting a good job for the summer, into doing well on finals and proving myself.

Second year, I was primarily focused on fertility treatments.  I was still going to classes of course, still doing what needed to be done, still looking for a good job for the summer, etc.  But my focus shifted,  Not ideal, I suppose, but that's the way it was.

Third year?  Hell, I don't know.  :)  I want to be focused on school again.  Promise!  But now I'm pregnant (yay!!!) and my focus has shifted to being a good mom, on "growing a baby" as I like to call it.  I need to finish this year out strong.  I need to be able to find a good job after graduating.  But, it's more important to me now that I do the best that I can to bring this child into the world and care for him or her.  Not that this is a bad goal, but the problem is that I get so focused on it that other things, like school, fall to the wayside.

I'd like to find some balance.  Balance is good, right?  I'd like to find some way that I can focus on school when I need to, but still take care of myself and the baby the way that I want and need to.

I've spent the last 8 weeks sick sick sick.  Morning sickness and migraines and a nasty cold that turned into nastier bronchitis.  I'm finally starting to feel like a normal person who doesn't need to sleep 12+ hours a day. So, consider this post to be my reminder to myself that, while it was laudable and right to take a few weeks to  heal and to sleep and to ensure the best health I could for the sake of my growing baby, it's now time to shift my focus a bit and knuckle down with the books.

I'm a smart girl.  Surely I can grow a baby, plan and plot for a newborn, all while keeping up with school and graduating with a decent GPA, right?  Sure I can.

I can!  I just have to lose a bit of my baby tunnel vision I've got at the moment.  :)


  1. Just remember that your baby and taking care of your pregnant body ARE the very most important things. Trust that I've been through my loss experience, I can clearly see that NOTHING in life matters as much.

  2. You're absolutely right Amy. Hugs to you!! I guess I just feel guilty because I get so single-minded. But, in this case, I know it's for good cause.